They Are Making It Hard to Breakup!
Breaking up was never going to be easy, but man! Some people make it damn near impossible! Is your partner making life a misery and you want out – but they’re not letting you? Take our quick quiz to learn the best way to do it first before checking out some common issues and solutions.
There are a few common scenarios that we’ve seen play out in relationships, and even encountered them ourselves. Which one describes why you’re have a hard time breaking up? P.S. We’ve got the solutions here with some great break up advice too!
Issue #1: They are highly emotional and you stay together to avoid meltdowns
When you’re dealing with a person who is, shall we say, a little emotionally unstable, then breaking up can be extremely difficult. On the one hand, you really want to end this thing, and on the other, if you do try and end it properly then they might just go off the deep end. You don’t even know what they are capable of! They might even be the type that threatens self-harm if you leave – a more common scenario than you’d think.
This is what’s known as emotional blackmail and is an extremely difficult situation to be in, one that you’ll need to take precaution to handle correctly. While you obviously care a great deal about their emotional (and physical) wellbeing, at some point you need to realise that your own mental health and wellbeing needs to take a front seat. If you are sure the relationship is over, then it’s time to break up – for good.
The solution: Believe it or not, chatting to a therapist yourself is often a good way to approach this particular problem. By outlining your full situation, they will be help you come up with the best strategy to break up. Next, you should line up their family (or friends, if they’re not close with family) to take care of them after the break up. These people will have at least some idea of the kind of support needed to make it through this trying time. And finally, break up with them, taking them squarely to family or friends directly after – then cut all contact.
Issue #2: They are not listening to you
Tried to break up a bunch of times but they’re not having a bar of it? You have a deflector on your hand then. This kind of person will have you feeling very confused. “Didn’t I have it set in my mind that we’d be broken up by the end of the day? How come we’re watching Netflix on the couch again?”
This is the type of person that will say, “But we have Steve and Jen’s wedding coming up!”, or “We’re going to South America is a month though!”. You might have even seen the Seinfeld episode (The Strong Box S09E14) about a girl just like this – George’s girlfriend Maura who refuses to agree with his breakup. In it, George decides that cheating on his gf and getting caught is the perfect way out. Of course it backfires when the 2 women agree they can work through it. The best way to break up is never by taking George’s life advice (although we commend him on his work advice and installing a bed under your desk…
The solution: Want to know when to break up? Now. Leave. If you live together, simply take your things while they’re out one day and GTFO. Make sure that you leave a note, as well as have funds transferred to them, etc. for sorting out your affairs, plus contact a friend or family member of theirs to let them know about the situation.
If you don’t live together? Cut contact. Break up (for the final time, over text if necessary), then block them on social media, ignore texts or calls, and don’t answer the door if they come around. If ghosting is the only way for them to get the message, then so be it – in this case.
Issue #3: They keeps saying they’ll work on things (and they do, briefly)
In some relationships, the reason that you want to break up is because your partner has too many flaws that they aren’t prepared to work on. We aren’t talking about something like being chubby, or not keeping on top of household chores, we’re talking deal breaker life flaws. These would be things like if they are an alcoholic or drug addict, they keeps cheating, or they keep spending way more than they are making. These are all addictive behaviours that can be difficult to break.
That’s not to say that the cycle can’t be broken, however it takes a willingness on their behalf, as well as deep motivation and support to overcome these addictions. If they keep saying that they’ll work on these behaviours, and then do for a while, but continually relapse, then at some point it’s time to pull the plug.
The solution: This one is a tricky one, because you obviously still love them. Their attempts to kick their addictive habit time and again is proof that they love you too. But eventually you will need to end the relationship, both for your own sanity, as well as for their benefit too.
Heading down the counselling route (yourself) can be a good idea if you would really like to stay with your partner. A counsellor can help you to be more encouraging as a partner in their kicking the habit. However, if you’ve had enough, then it’s simply time to end it. You’ve given it your best shot. Take our simple quiz and find out the best way to do it. And who knows, after the break up without their safety net (that’s you!) they will be able to quit once and for all.
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